I'm stephanie. Decided to do what i want, i mean decided to write what i want to write, but there is too many ppl reading my blog, and i dun wish to.. erm.. like for example, i always write something is point to someone, but hell i cant write his/her name out, or sometime u just know the person is writing about u, but.. AIYA. i duno how to say. (im not point to anyone here okay) ,so.. yeah, i shall create another new one and keep it very private to myself. i wont be update here anymore..

lets give luvpeach blog a very nice ending, haha.

as what i can remember : (no grammer here, if u wan to continue reading. HAHA)

Semester 1:
The very first person i know is called Nicole in 3do, the second one will be Eunice, which already dissappear. thanks to 3do, haha.. remember the first day orientation, pony is my GL. erm....... after the whole thing, as in those game, me, eunice, squid, berilyn, ric, and alot of ppl which i forgot got who, we went al-ahmeen(duno how to spell) to eat.. me squid beri and ric went home together, becos i just move to boon lay from yishun that time, so dun really know the route, must thanks to ric be my guide. erm, first sem was not very close to ict-ppl, ya, as in society people, even though i was in society as well, its only like.. visit cs-room once a week? still remember ric ask me to go cs room more often, i was like :" HUH? got such room can play cs?! " lolz.. but the very first time i step in to cs room, was following eunice and ric, they bring me there, she tell me the people there very nice, that time cs room no sofa at all, there is a table in front inner room, and the lionel's very personal pc. haha, the first person say hello to me in cs room = Lionel(with the blue cap), lol. i still remember Elson and Ken sittting beside Eunice, Ken scolding Eunice : "dun look at me with ur goldfish eye.", then elson laugh like hell, then duno who ask him to stop laughing. Jeric was playing game i think and sing Jay's song, ohya, ric and zijian, BIG collin(yes, coz there is another small colin) was there too, they playing their game. I very bored, Madelyn sit beside me that time! hahah.. and i ask her :" can i use ur lappy?" she reply me of cos.. so i start surfing net.. after that i cant remember le.. lolz.

After that, its ict party, at ATRIUM. zz!! lol. me and eunice went, when we reach there, we called small colin(which already duno where) and ric, and ric still bring us some titbits, lol. after that met weiling(erm, also seldom see her in school already) , met yanling and adelyn there, the party was too boring, so we 4 and another 2 guys went KAP mac, still remember eh? hahaha, after that go back to the party and dance, Jiajun come to talk to me, and ask me something, but i forget wat he ask already, then jeric also, he ask me:"are u stephanie?" lol. then remember cynwell kok his head and say :" walau, he is my team one leh, u duno her?" lol. ohya. and roy and weicai. LOL; actually that time i always tot that Roy = Weili, and Elson = Ken, zijian = big collin. lol ! mayb that time they very close ba.. hahaha. ohya,.. whenever i go cs room, big collin and zijian .. the " WUSH! " (it was really hahaha.)

if im correct, the sub comm game in Sem 1 eh? ya, that time we still have so called "sub-comm game" , to let us know more abut each other. lol. get to know Elaine, Sylvester, Dawn, Kengboon, Beng, Pamela, John, Raymond , Cindy, and duno who else le. forget. lol. and kengboon is the very first person say that me and dawn looks alike, after that.. like alot of ppl continue keep on saying the same thing when they first meet us. lol. they say the only thing can differentiate us is my tattoo. haha.. We used to join #3do. #3do always got alot of ppl, yes. unlike now, there was only less than 10 ppls? and the ppl join there is just ONLY for their GAMIng use. the zion. we used to chat everynite in irc, yes, everynite. haha. ken la(poserong), elson(nun,beautiful), elaine(seraphic), eunice(always change nick), jeric(jeric, the one always say eunice is another duno who.. also dissappear already), big collin(forget already), zijian(batterbat), berilyn(ber, cant display the vertical line), squid(squd or something), yanda(pony), boon(goofy), chewlin (chewchew!! this one always make us crazy,lol.and its only beng entertain her) ,yian(zafor), jervis, raymond, dawn, derick, weili, kangni, beng, weicai, roy, jiajun, yiepsoon, yewti, yanling and ade(sometimes) alot alot.. chat chat chat, always chat till very late.. and i always say i wan to eat dao huay in #3do, haha.

Semester 2 :

sports day make me crazy. haha. weili,cynwell, ric, weicai team won the basketball match. thats all i can remember, after sports day, berilyn wan me and lornie join to party comm, together with gary, john, sylvester, elaine. Sem 2 stay in cs room more often, can say everyday, i think eunice dissappear in sem 2, sem 2 more outings, sem2 more fun, sem2 get along well with everyone. its very fun. HAHA. I suddenly think of the ghost scene. after openhouse and talentime, its already late, at night, we all gather in cs room, then duno want to scare who already, i think is lionel, mad, beri, ric they all, we ask daniel to act ghost with a bbball and umbrella, LOL! then everybody squeeze in cs room, and close all the light. hahahahahha, really rofl. overall sem 2 is then fun-est.! ohya. sem 2, my hair was super dyed, my long long hair till short, i left with 2 tails, hahaha, and i remember estella ask me:" the school allow anot?" hahah, thanks to ric, always use my hair to test on new color, and duno why my hair always become pink color after dyed, I ALSO DUNO WHY! i always change my hair color, 2 weeks change another,, got one time, he dye till my hair become so colorful, pink and orangy, LOL. so striking can.. although alot of ppl say its cool, but after few days i go and dye black, hahahah.. totally black. lol. and ric was saying wan to ban ppl who wanna dye black, coz im the first one who ask him to dye black. oh.. now i point to someone, U SAY U ALWAYS CHANGE IMAGE, HELLO. change image means totally change, not only wear new clothes or maybe do ABIT changes on ur hair or change/do watever things on ur body. -.- !! dun make me laugh. grow up kid.

Semester 3:

ohman. i hate sem 3. dun ever mention about it. it bring me to nightmare.

Semester 4 :

too many things happend already, not only to me. but to alot of ppl, yeah.not to mention about it. Met my long lost friend too, joined MOS, start to learn drum. its cool !

As for my class, T09. erm, our class very united first sem, that time dun have small lecture, as in those lecture in class one, that time lecture all in LT, but dun care how early the lesson start, we will never skip, LOL. we're the good boys and girls. we always lunch together, yes, i mean whole class. but now.. pekeat and jas quit school, then all spread into diffirent group already, 2 guys group,2 gers group, even though sometimes go out together, but its already not a class outing.

peoples tell me(SEE, cant write out the name, its so.. zz!! not cant, if i write it out, its not good for everyone) they prefer our year the society, they miss chewchew's voice. LOL. but not used to... ... .. therefore seldom to go cs room, so .. .. .. , of cos the previous batch also, we always hang out, there is no conflict, and its more fun. now the year 3 shift to e-garage, some of the year 2 run away from cs room, yes. im trying to say that, this year, the society got too many people that simply like to talk bad behind people? Im not pointing to anyone here, but its just the fact. there are so many conflicts. so sick of it. they got ppl always say bad things about A in front of B, then after that act nothing happend and act good friend with A. Seriously, u think of it, are u the one? ohmy.. so fucking irritating. I scare hypocrites. I just run away from it.

Again, im not pointing to anyone here, u dun need to ask who im toking about. not only to society people, but to everyone.

lastly, I hate 38, and I hate fake smile. I dun wish to see u ard in school.

And now, im looking forward to semester 5. and looking forward to my 2nd tattoo on my wrist!! =)

cheers.

PUMP UP THE VOLUME 002

PUMP UP THE VOLUME 001 TONIGHT !!!!

jess : eh, dun everytime say the handsome ok! u got ur hubby, means HE IS MINE! LOL!

py+wt : OMG. the forfeit really zzZZzz! make me and him so paiseh. no meaning, nx time my turn to sabo u both!esp wt. i now so happy, hahahehehohooo.. think u all slpin nw, tmr then i tell u, lol. /me jumping ard!

Hwang Wan Lee was so good, she tell me dun need to care about the TOR submission dateline. THAT MEANS, this weekend will be very fun! ok, got to go. ciaoz!

MOS ROCKS! MACHI-OS-ES ROCKS!

now at mad's house doing BA. omgggggggggggggggggggggg ! sian!!

she is sleeping now, ade doing her "monster", im waiting for them!

lalalla, long night.

I love to EAT apple =))))

moody night.

After the "she" entry, it was really touch me. really.. but sorry, simply sorry..

well, delete some of the link which no update and the blog already shut down. update some of the link also.

what's life? no idea. gonna be a super busy girl this week. BA due on this friday(11 march), PM test on monday(14 march), FYP's Outline and TOR due on Tuesday(15 march) ! oh my .. !!

I'm not gonna think too much.

I'm not gonna let myself feel pain again.

I'm not gonna let myself fall again.

I dun wan tears.

I dun wan the feeling.

I dun wan to lose.

I want to remain everything now.

I want friendship.

I want happy.

This is the first time i blog on this to you, and also will be the last time.

I gonna concentrate on my bloody assignment. omg. FYP really do kills.

sorry jieherm.

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms.

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat.My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms.So I carried her into our home.She was then plump and shy.I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were s simple as a cup of pure water:

we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money.When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant.Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time.Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind.My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs.Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife.When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant.I knew I had betrayed my wife.But I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew s hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture. O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.

At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it.No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV.The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together.Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body.This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious. When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out.Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her.She seemed to have got some hint.She gently smiled at my subordinates.But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together.I nodded.

I knew I could not hesitate any more. When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly.Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth.But I had to let her know what I was thinking.I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? .I'm serious.I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry.She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! . At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping.

I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew. With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected see.To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table.I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there.I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the months time we must live as normal life as possible.Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms , she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce.From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile.I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form. I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd.No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully.Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.We even treated each other as a stranger.

So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms.His words brought me a sense of pain.From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door.She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.She leaned on my chest.We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me. The outside garden is being demolished.Be careful when you pass there. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer. On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded.

The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this. I felt it was easier to carry her.Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses.I was waiting to carry her out.She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one.Then she sighed, All my dresses have grown fatter. I smiled.But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger.I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.Again, I felt a sense of pain.

Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment.Dad, it s time to carry mum out.He said.To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life.She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day.But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old. I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy. I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision.

I walked upstairs.Dew opened the door.I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce.I'm serious. She looked at me, astonished.The she touched my forehead.You got no fever. She said.I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I wont divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more.Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old.So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry.I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite.The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card.

I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

spent really alot of money this week. zzz. but TFS rocks!!

uhmmm.. nothing to blog about, coz life still the same, playing, shopping, home sweet home.. lalalal

this is before i clear eveyrthing

this is after. so neat! oh well.. this is few weeks ago, now i prepare to do another new one. LOL

wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li.. ni ai de na ge tian shi.. =)

black [Jade] again

went far east after sch.. after that went Chinablack with piggy, yuwen, ida, "ah lang" the gay. LOL, oops.. and his friends also. wth.. super the tired, dance from like 10pm++ till 3am, and its so funny we all drink till drunk, LOL, after that no choice have to drink coke, fruit bunch.. there was so many angmo today, anyway, wat a night! dance ard, crazy ard, bitching ard.. lolz. after that went yishun then jurong, and ................. lazy to type, lol. something zzz.. why cb always got er xin da bian? lol.

so many after that, and after this i GONNA SLEEP!!!! omg. tired.

after a long meeting, mos performance postpone to march.

after that went bugis, went beauty wild.. the face shop.. watson.. body shop.. lol. feel so dumb coz i list out the shop i went, lol. just wan to make my post longer. LOL

today spent alot of money! duno why today so mad, went to buy so many zz things

tea tree oil body scrub.. nail polish.. herbal hair essence.. fasio lip gloss.. canmake lucent powder..

omg. im broke. regret to buy the canmake!!!!!!! and its so EXPENSIVE. OMG!